My experience is like all too many others who have gone through this with cancer. I write about it because I hope that it will help motivate others to get involved, to make a difference and to be there for kids with cancer. However, I cannot even begin to claim an experience like those who have parented these amazing kids or those who endured so much more. My story about Amanda is just my experience and I hope that by writing this out I can encourage others to spend a little more time with their kids and helping those who battle cancer. It’s a small story in a world that is full of very strong people. I love and respect Amanda’s family and hope that I will always be a positive source of strength for them.
It is so hard to say goodbye to someone…to know that their journey on this earth has ended. It’s even more difficult when it’s a 12 year old beautiful girl who has fought for her life every day for the last 3 years. So, it’s taken me awhile to recount my experience with Amanda and the last few days I saw her. I will do my best to do that now; I’m ready to tell the world about this Angel among us.
Amanda JoLynn Peebles was one of the strongest fighters cancer has ever known. She underwent two bone marrow transplants, chemotherapy, side effects, constant vomiting, and so much more. She fought for almost 3 years. I am fortunate to know many of these amazing childhood cancer heroes and by far Amanda’s story was plagued with some of the worst conditions, but she always had the best attitude. She was always happy.
My experience with her was only a small portion of her life and I am one of hundreds that she touched in a very magical, heartfelt way. But I can tell you that every moment I shared with her was incredible. From the time we went swimming at the Broomfield Recreation Center, to the two hour browsing experience in Toy’s R Us, it was all perfect. Amanda was so funny; she would love to watch others fall – and she would let out a laugh that you’d never forget. I remember one time I left the hospital to get her Burger King for dinner, and when I returned she was mid-conversation with someone on the phone. As she continued her conversation for 20 minutes I kept wondering who she was talking to. She finally hung up and started laughing hysterically; turns out she had been doing a series of prank phone calls with our friend Kennedy (who was also at the hospital) and had continued the ruse for almost 30 minutes. Amanda was one of a kind. She was so beautiful! Every picture I ever saw of her she was the most beautiful 12 year old, and her eyes and smile told a story. I only hope that as my life continues on that I can share her story with as many people as possible to let her fight be known, to let her experience continue to change the lives of others forever. It is impossible to write the many experiences I got to have with her; maybe someday I can in detail. As I think back, I am so lucky to be given the gift of knowing her.
I was fortunate to be in Denver 2 days before she passed. I caught a flight from San Diego and the following morning rushed to the hospital when ICU visiting hours opened. She was in bad shape when I arrived that morning but I got to spend some time with her and held her hand while nurses had to take care of her. I got to sit in the room for most of the day all the way till 7PM and while I sat there Amanda slept but would open her eyes every 30 minutes to check and see if I was still sitting there. I really felt like I was one of the luckiest people in the world to get to spend so much time with her so close to her departure from this earth. The next day, Friday, I went to the hospital in the evening and it was then that people were saying goodbye to her. I took a small turn and went into the ICU and sat near her bed. I went to talk to her and found myself unable to say anything. I couldn’t figure out what to say – holding back tears I finally was able to tell her thank you. I said thank you for the best times in my life, thank you for being such a great friend, and I told her that I would do anything to help her family and friends. I told her she was strong and I will always remember her strength. That was it – I ran out of words…so I spent the next several minutes just being with her and then left the ICU room so that others could say their goodbyes. I am strong during all this but at this moment I finally had reached my low – I was saying goodbye to one of my best friends. A girl who I had watched fight for her life every day. I owe a special Thank You to David, one of my close friends, for putting up with my breakdown when I left the ICU. This was the only time I’ve lost it around kids with cancer.
Amanda passed away Saturday evening at 6:45 PM on August 14th, 2010. I received a text message from Stacy that invited me down to the hospital that evening around 8PM. Amanda had been moved earlier that day to the 7th Floor (Oncology at Children’s Hospital) and I was able to see her family and hug Jayden (Amanda’s little brother), Tionna (Amanda’s older sister), Michelle (Amanda’s Mom), and Arlando (Amanda’s father). It was a time I will never forget. I was able to spend some time with Amanda and her family that night and she looked so peaceful, so beautiful. Her fever was finally gone, her fight was over, she no longer had sickness overtaking her body, she was free. It was reliving, but it was painful.
Her service was amazing – the perfect way to honor such an incredible god-given girl. I was really glad to be able to be around Donavan (Amanda’s boyfriend) who is also battling cancer. He is now one of my new friends in this world of cancer. I got to go up with Donavan to light a candle in Amanda’s memory. Amanda also had the gift of having one of the largest funeral processions I have ever seen. She was escorted by over 9 motorcycle police officers who led an uninterrupted procession to the cemetery. I was so glad that people all over Broomfield, Colorado could hear the sirens of her journey to her burial site.
That night I left Denver and flew to New York City (on a red-eye) for my brother’s Ring Weekend Ceremony at West Point and it finally all set-in. I was grieving the loss of one of the most incredible spirits I have ever met in my life. It will be a very long time before I am over this loss, but I know one thing for certain…I am the luckiest person alive to have been in her life. I thank God everyday for introducing me to her. I remember a lot of times as I would leave Amanda’s hospital room, she would mouth the words, “I love you”. Now, every day I look to the heavens and mouth the words “I love you Amanda” hoping she will hear me and know how thankful I am to have been a friend in her life.
Pictures of Amanda’s Service:
